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Characters AbanazerInspector So Hi Constable So Lo
Widow TwankeyAladdin TwankeyPrincess Bijou Sue-ShiEmperor Ying Yang Empress Ginseng FezLi~TingCompany & Dancers The PrologueEpilogue Scene 5Running time: approx. 2 hours if played uncut withsuggested musical numbers, exclusive of interval
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Peta Duncombe 20/01/85 [Revis’d 1992, 1997, 2007]
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PROLOGUE:
Somewhere in Ancient Egypt
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[ Overture. Flash FX. Jade, Slave of the Ring, enters R. and bows. ]
Our handsome Hero’s called Aladdin,
Sly Abanazer is the bad ’un
My name, good mortal folk, is Jade.
[ Thunder and Flash FX L. Jade exits swiftly R. as Abanazer enters L. ]
Abanazer:
Hind’ring my plans to get quick rich;
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Peta Duncombe 20/01/85 [Revis’d 1992, 1997, 2007]
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Abanazer:
[ Abanazer clasps his hands and, in doing so, recalls the Magic Ring. ]
Abanazer:
I’ll summon the Slave of the Magic Ring!
[ Abanazer rubs the Ring. Flash FX R. Jade enters R., bowing deeply. ]
What is your will, your Heart’s desire?Abanazer:
[Aside] I can’t abide those Old Slow Boats to China!
[ Jade claps hands three times, thunder, blackout and Abanazer exits L. LX up. ]
For I’ve included one or two diversions!
To see if I can’t thwart his wicked plans -
Aladdin will need help, of that I’m certain,
Behold! Peking! Stage Manager, the curtain!
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SCENE 1:
The Market Square, Old Peking
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[ Opening number: ____________________ Company and Chinese Dragon. Whistles sound off L. Company react and scatter, the Dragon exits, So Hi and So Lo enter at great speed from L. So Hi stops abruptly C.S., so that So Lo cannons into him; pratfall. ]
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[Self-importantly] So Lo, So Lo, So Lo, what’s been going on ‘ere
then? So Lo? [Looks around, puzzled] Constable So Lo!
[Brightly] Getting up, Inspector So Hi, Sir!
[ So Lo stands, brushes himself down, then salutes. ]
Now I shall have to start all over again! So Lo, So Lo, So Lo,
I’ve only just arrived, So Hi haven’t had time to investigate!
[ SFX Percussion. The Company react as the two Policemen laugh at their joke. ]
[ Comedy business as first So Hi, then So Lo bob up and down. ]
So Hi & So Lo:
[Knees bend together] Pekingese Police Force, at your service!
Lovely day, isn’t it? As we Pekingese say, turned out Rice again!
Just the sort of a day for investigating an odd crime or two. Any of
you inscrutable lot committed an odd crime?Company:
Ah, so! ’Thought you’d say that, but it’s not a problem because
I’ve got an Imperial Proclamation here forbidding everyone from
And someone from doing anything!So Hi & So Lo:
And that someone is Wishee Washee!
Company: So Lo & So Lo:
Company:
Oh, yes, it is! And when we catch up with him, he’ll be all washed-up!
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Company 1:
He let all the air out of the tyres on the Imperial rickshaw!
And left Empress Ginseng feeling very deflated!
So if anyone here sees Wishee Washee, remember we want to see him
Precisely! The Chef is wanted for questioning on a severe case of
Company 2:
We’d better warn Wishee that So Hi and So Lo are looking for him!
Company 3:Company 4:
And I’ll ask Sue-Shi if she’s seen him!
Company 1:
Quickly! This way! Wishee! Wishee Washee!
[ As Company exit, Wishee enters R., carrying a large Bamboo plant in a pot. ]
Wishee Washee:
Hello! Did someone call? Funny! No-one here!
[ Wishee stops C.S., sets the Bamboo plant down, parts the leaves and peeps out. ]
Wishee Washee:
Oh, yes, there is! Hello! [Pause] HELLO! Ah! Down in the
something stirred! Who goes there? Chinese, Japanese or
Pekingese? Who said Dirty Knees? Cheeky! I have a bath twice a
week - except when there’s a Wednesday in the month!
[ Wishee places Bamboo plant against the pros. S.L. and walks D.C. to address audience. ]
Wishee Washee:
I’m Wishee Washee and I live with my Mum, Mrs. Twankey and my
big brother, Aladdin at Ye Olde Soft Soap Laundry just over there.
Welcome to Old Peking! Have you ever been here before? No?
Take care you don’t get lost in the old city, it’s a den of ne’er-do
wells, cut-throats and thieves. and that’s just the local MPs!
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Wishee Washee:
Tell you what, I’ll teach you all a couple of handy phrases to help you
But I reckon you lot should just stick to Cantonese - that’s easy,
everyone stand-up, that’s right! Now, fold your arms like this.
[Hands in sleeves] Good! Now, bow very politely and say:
‘Three, five, eleven, thirteen twice,And a number twenty seven would be velly, velly nice!’
Got that? If you’re lucky, that’ll get you Spring Rolls, Chow Mein,
Beef Curry, Egg Fried Rice twice and a bag of Prawn Crackers to go!
Ooh, talking of food has made me hungry! I expect you were
wondering why I was carrying this gi-normous bamboo plant around
with me? You see, here in Old Peking, bamboo shoots are a very
special delicacy and every [Friday] night, my Mum cooks a smashing
stir fry for supper. Trouble is, bamboo shoots just happen to be the
favourite food of Ping Pong, the Imperial Panda!
[ Ping Pong pops her head around the proscenium R., sees audience and waves. ]
Wishee Washee:
Have you ever seen a real live Panda bear, Girls and Boys? They’re
[ Ping Pong steps out onto the stage and moves R. of Wishee, measuring herself to the height he indicates with her paw. ]
Wishee Washee:
They’re ever-so-cute and black and white and furry.
[ Ping Pong performs an elegant twirl and curtseys to the audience. ]
Wishee Washee:
And they absolutely adore bamboo shoots for breakfast, elevenses,
lunch, dinner and the odd snack in between.
[ Ping Pong nods happily and rubs her tummy. ]
Wishee Washee:
So, if I leave my bamboo plant over there, will you all shout out and
[ Ping Pong double-takes at sight of bamboo plant, rubs her tummy and tiptoes towards it, passing U.S. of Wishee. ]
audience:Wishee Washee:
[To audience] What did you say? There’s a Panda Bear behind me?
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audience:
[ Wishee turns, sees Ping Pong sneaking across to the Bamboo Plant. ]
Wishee Washee:
Oh, look! A Panda Crossing!Naughty Ping Pong Panda!
[ Ping Pong hangs her head and crosses to Wishee. ]
Wishee Washee:
Imperial Pandas shouldn’t pinch Pekingese Person’s Potted Plant, Ping
[ Ping Pong mimes crying, playing for sympathy to audience. ]
Wishee Washee:
[ Wishee hands Ping Pong a hanky. She blows nose dramatically, hands it back. ]
Wishee Washee:
Listen, if you’re a good Panda bear and stop nabbing my nosh, I’ll
grow you a Bamboo plant of your very own! Now, come along: if we
don’t get that laundry round done there’ll be no supper for either of us!
[ As Wishee Washee makes to exit, Ping Pong rubs her tummy and immediately tiptoes to the Bamboo Plant again. Wishee pops back onstage. ]
Wishee Washee:Ping Pong! Now that’s a Panda double-crossing! Boys and Girls, I
think we’d better have a password so’s you can shout out and
bamboozle anyone who tries to steal my special Bamboo plant!
‘Bamboozle,’ that’s it - the very word!
Listen, Ping Pong, on the count of three, you pretend to pinch
my plant again and all the Girls and Boys will shout outBAMBOOZLE to warn me. Are you ready, everyone? On the count
[ Wishee turns his back and counts, Ping Pong tiptoes quickly toward the Bamboo plant. ]
audience:
Wishee Washee:
[Turning back] Have you all shouted yet? You have?
[ Ping Pong mimes that she couldn’t hear anything. ]
Wishee Washee:
You’ll have to shout louder than that, or I’ll never hear you down
at the [Local Pub]. Come on, Mums and Dads, you’d better join in
too; are you ready, steady? Standby to be bamboozled, Ping Pong!
[ Ping Pong scampers toward the Bamboo plant. ]
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Wishee Washee:
[ Ping Pong returns to Wishee’s side, moving to plant again as Wishee counts. ]
Wishee Washee:audience:Wishee Washee:
Brilliant! Now, don’t forget to bamboozle anyone else who
comes along, will you? Come along, Ping Pong, let’s do the
[ Wishee and Ping Pong exit R., waving to audience as they go. ]
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SCENE 1:
The Cave of a Thousand Jewels
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Abanazer:
Must be possessed of a ‘True Heart’!Aladdin:
Phew! That was some journey! Flash, bang, wallop and I’m halfway
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Abanazer:
[Shiftily] Ah, now you come to mention it,
Aladdin:
But I know nothing of magic words or spells. Abanazer:Aladdin:Abanazer:Abanazer:
As the ancient legend relates, the Cave of a Thousand Jewels may only
be entered by a youth of humble station in life, a poor but honest boy,
Aladdin:Abanazer:
Imagine my great surprise upon learning that my very own nephew
was none other than the ‘Chosen One’, he who holds the key to the
curse placed upon this cave in legendary times!
Aladdin:
Curse? That’s the first mention you’ve made of that!
Abanazer:
[Hastily] Ah! As the Chosen One you have nothing to fear from the
Aladdin:Abanazer:
As the light of the full moon strikes the rocks, shout Open SesameAladdin:Open Sesame - they don’t sound like magic words to me. Abanazer:
[ Lights dim, fade-up gobo of full moon, follow-spot hits cave entrance. ]
Abanazer:
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[ Follow-spot strikes the cave, Aladdin raises his arms. ]
Aladdin:
[ SFX as the cave entrance opens to reveal dim interior. Aladdin enters the cave. ]
Abanazer:Aladdin:Abanazer:
[Improvising] Aaah! Cramp! I’ve got cramp!
[ Abanazer hops on one foot dramatically, Aladdin talks to audience. ]
Aladdin:
Funny! I could swear he said Lamp - did he, Boys and Girls? Yes! As
It’s MAGIC! Then he wants it for some dark purpose, I’ll see he
Abanazer:
Oooh! Aaah! Cramp! [To Aladdin] Are you there, Lad?
[ Aladdin sees the Magic Lamp and moves toward it. ]
Aladdin:
I’m quite safe, Abanazer. Will you not enter the cave with me?
[Aside, to audience] The lamp, is this it?
Abanazer:Aladdin:
I said ‘Your cramp, how is it’?
Abanazer:
Curses! Confound the youth, could he suspect?
Aladdin:
Found what, Abanazer? The treasure is just as you said: Rubies,
Abanazer:
The cave, Lad, looks quite dark and damp -
I’ll strike a match and light a lamp.Aladdin:
[To audience] Is he trying to trick me? I thought so! Don’t worry,
Uncle, there’s an old lamp in here - I’ll see if it will light. Abanazer:
[Aside] Aha! He has it! Now to get it off him! I doubt it will work
after centuries sealed in a dank cave, pass it here and take this new
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Aladdin:
But what could you want with this old relic, Abanazer?
Abanazer:
Give me the lamp! [Aside] Or it will be the worse for you!
Aladdin:
First tell me why this lamp is so precious!
Abanazer:Aladdin:
I shall not give you the Magic Lamp, Abanazer, I fear you mean to use
Abanazer:
And sink this cave in dark Earth’s bowels!
[ SFX and change in lighting as cave ‘closes’. ]
Aladdin:Abanazer:Aladdin:
Trapped! And I can see no way out! [Disconsolately] A fortune
beyond price and yet worthless by compare with the love of my
[ Song: ____________________ Optional solo for Aladdin, or duet if Princess brought on behind gauze. At end of song, Aladdin shivers. ]
Aladdin:
Ooh, how cold it is! [Rubs hands together]
[ Flash FX. Jade, Slave of the Ring, enters R. ]
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Aladdin:
Who are you? How did you find your way in here?
How may I help you ‘Ala-ddin’?Aladdin:
Till I have served one who’s true hearted’!
That he his true love’s hand may claim!
Aladdin:
Can you help me to escape from this cave? Mum and Wishee Washee
must have been alarmed by my sudden disappearance!
Aladdin:
Sweet Bijou! How I long to see her again!
[Aside] And don’t you wince at that foul rhyme,
There’s more to come along those lines!
Dwells a Genie, by name ‘Li-Ting’!
[ Jade hands Magic Lamp to Aladdin, who looks at it doubtfully. ]
Aladdin:
Not a very house proud Spirit, though, this lamp is absolutely filthy!
[ Aladdin rubs lamp, Flash FX and Li-Ting, Genie of the Lamp, enters from R. ]
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Peta Duncombe 20/01/85 [Revis’d 1992, 1997, 2007]
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Li-Ting:
[Grumpily] All right! All right! I’m coming! [Bowing to Aladdin]
Salaam! Salami! [He yawns] Just settled down for a nice
nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine year snooze and what happens? I’ll tell
you what happens! Some insignificant mortal disturbs my peaceful
[Yawns again, drily] Li-Ting, Genius of the Lamp, at your
beck and call. How may I illuminate your life, lighten your darkness
or banish gloom from the shadows of your undoubtedly miserable
Aladdin:
Er. I’m very sorry to have woken you, Li-Ting, but I need your help
Li-Ting:
Is that all! Menial chores I leave to minor Immortals. [To Jade] I
should have thought that’s more in your line!
By me you’ll have to be ‘First-aided’! Li-Ting:Li-Ting:
[ Flash FX. Blackout. All exit. Traverse tabs close. ]
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Peta Duncombe 20/01/85 [Revis’d 1992, 1997, 2007]
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Suggestions for Musical Numbers A licence issued by Pepper’s Yard Playscripts & Pantomimes to perform this play does NOT include permission to use any copyright music within the production and appropriate permissions must be sought from the Copyright holder and/or The Performing Rights Society as appropriate. Music/Song
Character
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Properties Plot ACT 1 Scene
Character
Practical sign: ‘Ye Olde Chinese Laundry’
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Peta Duncombe 20/01/85 [Revis’d 1992, 1997, 2007]
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ACT 2 Scene
Character
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Peta Duncombe 20/01/85 [Revis’d 1992, 1997, 2007]
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Also by Peta Duncombe:
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Shiver me timbers! A swashbuckling adventure a’vast the high seas!
A fabulous pantomime set in fairy-tale France. Fangtastic! It’s not very scary and it is great fun!
A sparkling, new version of the all-time favourite family pantomime!
Yeeha! A toe-tappin, rib ticklin’ panto set way out West!
Contact:
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Peta Duncombe 20/01/85 [Revis’d 1992, 1997, 2007]
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